This morning on the way to work and school, my three men played a game in the car. It was called, "What if Mommy ran the world?"
The laws they came up with: "There would be no work before 10 a.m"; "You would HAVE to lift the toilet seat"; and "No laughing at her monster-hair when she wakes up."
I concurred demurely with their initial thoughts. And, after careful consideration, if I were Queen (or President, or Dictator--as the case may be) for the Day, I'd add a few rules, too:
- No one shall leave the milk carton in the fridge when it only has one tiny swig of liquid in it, under penalty of scrubbing said appliance.
- I shall require my coffee (fixed just like I like it, with a LOT of hazelnut creamer) in bed, and shall have time to enjoy it before tending to the needs of the day.
- Teachers, soccer coaches, and other people in authority over my child(ren) shall grant me grace whenever I forget a practice, paper, or performance.
- Speaking of teachers, they shall receive the pay that pro football players currently receive...with raises for meritous and miraculous achievements.
- CEO's, entertainers, politicians, and sports players' salaries will be capped at a reasonable level. And docked severely for bad behavior. Especiallly cheating on their wives.
- Charlie Sheen is banned from ever going near a microphone or stage again, unless he becomes an evangelist or philanthropist [stop laughing, it could happen!].
- Child actors/performers are only to work for one season of a television show, and they are not allowed to tour, endorse products, or otherwise be exploited. And they can't record albums, or write MEMOIRS until they're at least 30. Sheesh.
- Reality television--especially anything with the word "Jersey," "Kardashian," "Real," or "Housewives" in the title--shall be henceforth and forevermore banned.
- Ditto for horror movies and anything with over a PG-13 rating (except for a few notable exceptions).
- Each of my subjects will volunteer at a charity for an hour a week. Minimum.
- Solitude and silence will be celebrated and sought after, at least for thirty minutes a day.
- People must unplug for a majority of their day, and have actual conversations with each other. Being plugged in is fine--just in small doses.
- Everyone in my kingdom is required to read to a child for 15 minutes a day--preferably while cuddling with them.
- Ditziness shall be seen as a sign of intelligence, and shall never, ever be laughed at. Unless I'm laughing, too. Penalties for breaking this law shall include dusting, vacuuming, folding laundry, and cleaning the toilet.
- Speaking of chores, only rude and thoughtless people (esp. fast food workers who act like I'm annoying them by ordering) shall do them. I am exempt, for obvious reasons.
- Plump thighs and bellies shall be a sign of fertility and beauty, as in the days of Ruben.
- Which reminds me--Rueben sandwiches will become the official Queen's sandwich. Except when I want a Patty Melt, or a French Dip. Can someone bring me a sandwich now, please?
- ALL body types (and skin colors!) will be celebrated and appreciated.
- Magazines and newspapers will from now on report on the good things that happen, as well as tragedies. Real-life heroes will be featured, instead of celebrities. And tabloid photographers will be required to chase after each other, just to see what it feels like.
That was fun...now it's your turn! What would YOUR rules be, if you ran the world? I look forward to your answers!
