Mother Inferior

A REALLY bad day!

Yesterday, I had a horrible day. Nothing specific was the matter, but I was hormonal, tired, and cranky. The petty little annoyances that I can usually gloss over weren't "glossable."

In the morning, Carey and I had a very small disagreement (over whether or not to buy a couch slipcover, if you can believe it), and that started the waterworks. I cried on and off all day, and that made me even more tired.

Having both boys at home all the time has been a real adjustment. And if I'm honest, the summers have always been hard for me. During the school year, I have lots of "spokes" in the wheel that keep me sane and help me ward of depression. And during the summer months, all sense of routine gets thrown out the window. We try to create a schedule, but it's usually nebulous at best.

Also, here in Texas, I tend to stay inside more because it's so hot. That, combined with other factors, start things spiraling downward. You'd think I'd remember: exercise, eat right, spend time with God, see my friends, journal, get sunshine, etc...but I let some of that go because I'm just trying to to keep the kids from killing each other!

At one point yesterday, I tried to be alone, and when I went on the back porch, our new puppy started licking my toes and whining. It seemed everyone needed me, and I didn't want to be needed for one more second! And Carey doesn't "get it" when I just need "Dena" time. He gets recharged by people. I get recharged by solitude. We're very different in that way.

And get this: we're trying to cut waaaay back on video games, television and computer for the boys, so their minds don't turn to mush over the summer. Good theory, right? Well, when they're not screen-engaged, they are either wrestling or fighting (sometimes both). Rarely do they play for more than a few minutes without someone calling a name, hitting, or crying.

To make matters worse, Carey left for a dentist appointment, and when I tried to get the spawnlings to help with chores, they didn't mind me--even after repeated, and ultimately heated, requests.

So I lost it. I yelled, and yelled, and yelled some more! :) Jordan told me I was being mean...Then I went to the bathroom and just sobbed.

Thankfully, getting it out helped. And the boys were stunned. (I know that a certain brand of parenting advice tells you to "never let 'em see you sweat." But I can't always do that.) Then they apologized for the way they'd been acting and made me a card that said, "We love you so much and are sorry that you're having a bad day!"

That helped, too. We all hugged and kissed and made up, and their dad came home and took over so I could have a nap. Then we went to Cracker Barrell and ate comfort food. Ahhh....

And Carey and I decided that the next time we tell them to do something once, and they don't follow through, they will fork over allowance. For each time they make us repeat it.

I'll let you know how THAT goes. :)

At least the boys aren't total barbarians...they were (and always are) really empathetic and sweet when I'm upset. Hopefully, that will stay with them and they'll be awesome husbands and fathers some day!

What a Mom Needs

My friend Lorri Allen and her co-host, Larry Estepa, were kind enough to interview me on their Sirius/FamilyNet radio show, "Mornings," on May 5th. We talked about moms--how we feel overwhelmed and under-equipped, what families can do to encourage moms, and where we can find hope and peace.

If you want to take a listen, click here and then scroll down the "filter by guest name" to Dena Dyer. It's a twenty-minute interview which aired in two parts. I really enjoyed talking to them, AND I was once again thankful for coffee--because we chatted at 5:30 a.m.! :)

Boys Will Be Boys

My four and nine year-old sons are the source of lots of laughter in our home. Case in point: recently, my husband, Carey, and I took the boys to dinner at a local restaurant. Afterwards, as we drove home, the boys began making jokes about bodily functions--as much of the male persuasion loves to do. (In fact, as I'm typing, they're making those kind of jokes RIGHT NOW!)

Carey knows I have a limited tolerance for crude humor, and he said, "That's enough, boys. There's a lady in the van."

Quicker than you can say "snot," my toddler exclaimed, "Who IS it?"

*by the way, the picture with this post is taken post-food-fight (one that I actually allowed, since we were eating outside).*

America's Favorite Mom

Check this out: REDBOOK has partnered with Telefora to search for "America's Favorite Mom." To see nominees--or to nominate yourself or someone else--go here. You could win amazing prizes and appear on a prime-time television special on May 11.

I Don't Make This Stuff Up! (the sequel)

Today, the boys and I went shopping in downtown Fredericksburg. We went to a really fun, old-fashioned store named Dooley's, which is a 5-10-15 cent store (remember those)? They have anything and everything, and Jordan (9) and Jax (3) enjoyed playing with all the fun, cheap toys on the three toy aisles. I enjoyed a walk down memory lane as I remembered shopping in our town's Gibson's store when I was growing up. Eventually, they talked me into buying them a couple of plastic swords and knight helmets.

As we were walking to the car, I asked them what their knight names would be. "Sir?..." I prompted.

"Toots-a-lot!" said Jordan. "And Jackson can be Sir burps-a-lot!"

I had to laugh. Oh, the life of a mom of boys! :)

Becoming a More Organized Mom

I recently read an excellent book, 12 Steps to Becoming a More Organized Mom, by author, speaker and recording artist Lane Jordan. She's a Texan, which I love, and she has a heart to encourage moms. I wanted to interview her and glean new ideas and insights from her years of experience. I hope you'll enjoy getting to know her and her book as much as I did!
Q: You have a passion to minister to moms. Where does that come from?

When I had my first child, she had colic for many, many months.  Here I was, a college educated, adult woman, with a successful husband so I could stay home in a wonderful home, and yet having a child was an earthquake to my life!  It was then that I became so concerned for women who were in much more dire circumstances.  How could they make it?  Where would they get the knowledge of proper health and basic care for their babies? And, I remember thinking that if I could just have someone help me with all I had to do.  So, through the years, I developed ways that helped me and put them to paper to help moms and women of all ages.

Q: Why do you think it's important for moms to be organized?

Organization is the foundation for anything that is built.  Read the beginning of the book of Genesis and one can see how God thought, planned and organized all of His creation.  I Corinthians 14:33 says, "For God is not a God of discorder but of peace."  When we have order, we will have peace and when a mom has peace, she is able to show the fruits of the Spirit to her children as well as to others.  When a child is surrounded by love,joy,peace, patience, kindness, he will be much more able to live for Christ and serve others.

Q: You talk in your book about a difficult period where you moved, lost your marriage and said goodbye to your oldest daughter. What got you through that time?

That difficult period lasted seven years and to be honest, I didn't know if I could get through it and yet,what miracles God has brought forth in my life!  Many people suffer hardships with addictions:  drugs, alcohol, bad relationships.  I am so grateful that I was so sad and downcast I didn't have the energy or knowledge to do any of that!  I remembered that I knew I had to get up every day and get my daughter off to school.  I would then crawl back into bed and pray.  And pray, and fall on my knees and pray!  I knew that as a Christian, I really had no other choice than to take it day by day on faith that God was in control.  That thought, that God really is in control and knows my life plan better than me, kept me going.  "Faith is believing in things not yet seen"

Q: You are now a single mom. What has been the most important thing you've learned through the last few years of single parenting?

That it is SO hard!  I truly don't know how moms of very young children are able to keep going.  But the main thing I learned is that God calls us to serve others.  To be unselfish.  Yes, I was lonely and wanted to have a "normal" life.  But I was so compelled not to date or "go out late with the girls".  Dinner sometimes yes, but....I was home every night, cooking a hot meal, helping with homework, and especially home on the weekends to take her to her events or waiting up for her to get home.  Am I a saint?  Heaven's no!!  I just knew I had to raise her this way.  I firmly believe the Holy Spirit guided me with the choices which kept me unselfish.

Q: What is your favorite tip for busy moms?

Take time to stop and plan.  Sounds so simple but it really can be quite hard to stop!  But, by planning your week, studying your calendar, making lists for yourself and those in your family, talking about the upcoming week and who has what and when the family meal(s) can me will totally keep a mom in control of her time.

Q: I love the chapter on "Renewing Your Mind." Why is that so important for moms?

I love this chapter too!  It is important because we make decisions based on where we are emotionally and spiritually.We must have time alone with the Lord; with our thoughts; with reading His Word; etc.  When our minds are cleansed and whole with the Lord,our lives will reflect that.  "As a man thinks, so is he."  When we renew our minds, we are getting back to the narrow path that is the Lord's will.

Thanks, Lane!!! I appreciate your sharing your excellent book with my blog readers.

Our Love Story

In honor of Valentine's Day, I want to share a little longer post than normal, the love story Carey and I share. The following first appeared in my third book, The Groovy Chicks' Road Trip to Love (Cook, 2006):

The first person I met at auditions was a young, eager tenor named Carey. He was one of the college grads who were vying for a spot in a Christian music group that would travel the country. I thought that he, a Tennesee-born-and-bred boy, was a little too friendly.

After all, I had spent the last year of college at swearing off men and dedicating myself to finding God’s will for my life. When Carey first met me, he thought I was cute, but a little too “Texan.” Maybe it was the denim dress, cowboy boots and jacket that were covered with western motifs. (What was I thinking?!) Western clothing aside, I made the group, and so did Carey.

By the second week of the tour, he and I were placed together as prayer-partners. We began staying up late, talking and finding out just how much we had in common. It was sort of uncanny, actually--we had similar goals, family backgrounds, and political beliefs. We liked the same authors, movies, and jokes. And strangely enough, we had both sworn off dating until after our two-year commitment to the group.

From that point on, we were almost inseparable…and I was hopelessly, madly in love. I had quickly done a 180 on my earlier decision to “put dating on hold” until after the tour. That just couldn’t have been God telling me that! I mean, Carey was perfect—he was godly, cute, thoughtful, smart, funny, and he sang like a dream. The only problem? Carey hadn’t done a 180 and wasn’t looking for a girlfriend…not now, and maybe not for a long time. When we went out to eat, he’d say things like, “I wonder if I’ll ever get married. After all, when we get off this tour, I’m going to be twenty-four—that’s pretty old! And I’ll have to find a girl, get to know her, date her, and that’s going to take a while. I may be thirty before I get married!” I would look at him with a dumb smile on my face and think, “Hello! Over here! Can’t you see that I’m supposed to have your babies?” Afterwards, I’d go to my hotel room, cry and pray, and then call my mom the next day and wail, “He doesn’t even see me as a girl. I’m just his buddy!”

She’d console me by saying, “We’ll just pray about it. If it’s God’s will, he’ll come around.”

For eleven months, we spent nearly every waking moment of the day together…and I was aching every moment. But I waited. Nothing will make you insane quite like learning patience! Looking back, I can see that God was teaching me to trust Him even when I couldn’t see what the future held.

Nothing happened for several more months, but one day, Carey began treating me differently. And then one night after a concert, he asked me to walk with him to a nearby truck stop (not that romantic, but when you’re on the road, you take what you can get).

When he told me he was having “strong feelings” about me, I nearly spit out my hot chocolate! “Really?” I asked, my hands shaking. It’s what I had longed to hear for almost a year, and I couldn’t quite grasp it. ”Really,” he said. “I’m hoping you feel the same way.”

Well, DUH!!! I thought, but I calmly said, “Actually, I’ve been feeling that way for a while.” And we were safely engaged before I told him the whole story—just to make sure he would continue thinking of me as a lady.

I know not every “I liked him, but he didn’t like me” story has such a happy ending. In fact, after ten years of marriage, I can say with all honesty that it’s not always heavenly. Some days, he’s my charming, romantic soulmate—and then on other days, he’s more like a guy you’d meet at. . . well, a truck stop. But the same God that placed us in that singing group is the One who keeps us singing in harmony. . . at least about the stuff that really matters.

A Mom's Fantasy Christmas List

Family members have been asking me what I want to Christmas...and after a little bit of thought and a lot of dreaming, here's a partial list of what I'm wishing for:

• My three year-old to be potty trained. We're soooo close here. I can't wait to stop buying diapers and wipes!
• At least seven minutes in the bathroom, all to myself. Uninterrupted. Even by my husband.
• The laundry and dishes to magically disappear for a few days (or get done by elves or faires or little men who suddenly learn to do their mom's least-favorite chores expertly, without whining).
• The time to read a magazine--even a really chunky, word-heavy one like O, ALL THE WAY THROUGH. In one sitting, no less.
• For one entire day without bickering, crying, and drama. Especially from the boys.

And while I'm really fantasizing:

• For an editor to call ME with a lucrative, substantial book or magazine writing assignment.
• For someone amazing, who loves my children and vice versa, to give me a year's free babysitting, whenever I need it, even at the last minute.
• For my thighs to revert to their pre-children size and appearance.
• Ditto for my tummy.
• For extra hours in the day so I can actually have time to scrapbook. (Poor Jax, he has so little documented about his life in comparison to his older brother, I'm going to have to start saving up for therapy.)
• For Sonic to give me free Diet Vanilla Cokes for life.

What are your Christmas wishes? For real? Let me know. :)

A Christmas Miracle

Here is an inspiring holiday TRUE story:

My grandfather Al lived in a boarding house during his college years. One Christmas, he used his last bit of money to purchase a scarf for his mother. Then he wrapped the scarf around his Bible and placed it in a dresser drawer. But to his horror, while he was taking his finals the house burned down.

Almost everything was destroyed in the fire—except the dresser from Al's room, which fell to the basement. When he was helping the owners sift through the ashes, he found the Bible and scarf in the drawer, right where he had left them. Both items were in perfect condition! The miracles didn't end there, though...

Al had lost all his possessions in the fire, except for what he had been wearing that day. Despondent but not beaten, he thumbed a ride home for Christmas. During one leg of his trip, the driver stopped suddenly to avoid hitting a suitcase in the middle of the road. When the two men stepped out of the car and looked inside the piece of luggage, they couldn't find a name or address. Instead, they discovered clothes and shoes—all in Al's size. My granddad wore those items throughout his college career. And well into his later years, he got choked up every time he told the story of his two Christmas miracles.

Have you experienced a Christmas miracle? Care to share? I'd love to hear about it!

I Don't Make This Stuff Up: Part Two

I was asking Jax (our toddler) what he did at Mothers' Day Out. "Gabe and I played with babies," he said. "Real babies or doll babies?" I asked.

(Gabe is his best friend. The first week of school, Jax didn't know Gabe's name, so he called him "dude." Later, he told me "Dude's name is Gabe.") :)

"Doll babies," he replied.

"That's nice," I said, picturing him rocking the dolls and giving them a bottle. "What did you do with the babies?"

"We put them in the microwave," he said.

He's definitely a boy!