Mother Inferior

Cut the Cord

Cut the cord

Cry

Nurse

Cuddle 

Burp

Bathe 

Clothe

Comfort

Read 

Guide

Tuck 

Wake

Wash  

Dry

Brush

Scold

Listen

Pray

Play 

Stay

Laugh

Love

Lose

Find

Applaud

Ignore

Plead

Wait up

Swear

Warn

Advise

Pack

Cry

 

Cut the Cord

Do I Have to Deal with My Past AGAIN?!

It all started with a pain in my right hand and arm. A sharp, stinging pain, to be exact. Then my hand and arm started going numb. Not good--especially since I use my arm all the time to write, either by hand or on the computer.

I made an appointment with my chiropracter, who had just given me an adjustment. And I saw my general physician, too. They both agreed it wasn't a pinched nerve and probably wasn't carpal tunnel, because of the way the pain was radiating. It could be an irrirated nerve, my doc said, and gave me anti-inflammatories. She said to call back in a few days if it wasn't better and she would do an X-ray. (I'm in those few days right now, and it's better, though not totally.)

No big deal, right? Except I started really freaking out. As in my mind going crazy places (is this the beginning stages of something awful? Is it my autoimmune disease going awry?) and fear overtaking me, until I could only cry.

I prayed, and tried to rest in God's goodness and sovereignty. I meditated on scripture, too, but I still had no peace, and couldn't figure out what was going on.

And then I remembered.

I was my oldest son's age when my mom began having weird symptoms like tingling arms and hands, bad headaches, etc. For years, she was in and out of doctors' offices, and she was often in bed. She had every kind of test, and most of the doctors concluded she probably (but not certainly) had MS.

It was a devastating time, but we didn't talk about it much at all. We just lived, and tried to pretend everything was normal. As a teen, I did much of the cleaning, cooking, and shopping when Mom was ill. I never knew if she would be fine or in a wheelchair. There seemed to be no rhyme or reason to her symptoms.

And though I was scared that she was going to get worse and worse and eventually die, I didn't share that with anyone. I kept everything inside and got good grades, pleased my parents and teachers, and prayed. I was a good girl, because I felt I had to be perfect, almost as if by doing so I could "hold everything together."

Years later when I was in college, Mom was diagnosed with conversion disorder, a rare disease which was common in Victorian times. Mom never learned to talk about or process her feelings, and so her body shut down, little by little. Once she had a diagnosis, everything changed. She went to an inpatient Christian counseling center for a week, and she learned how to express her emotions. At different times, the rest of my family through counseling, too. We're all very different people now.

And yet. Just when I think I'm "past" my past, something crops up and my emotions and fears overtake me. I moaned to my husband the other night, "Why can't healing be once and for all? I think I'm over this stuff, but it keeps coming up. It's like a circle that never ends!"

He held me and let me cry about how scared I was as a child, and how hard it was to never know if your mom was going to be okay or not. He listened as I admitted that I still struggle with letting go (in many areas) because I feel like I have to hold everything together. He let me vent my fears that our kids would have the same kind of struggles, because I don't know what the future holds (though I do try to take care of myself and be proactive about my health). And he encouraged me to keep turning to our Heavenly Father with my sadness and grief.

I have a good guy, y'all! :)

So that's what I've been doing...talking to God about the grief I still feel sometimes about a lost, lonely, sad childhood. I'm asking Him to teach me to let go, so that I can live by faith and not fear. I'm also talking to my kids and letting them know what's happening. I want them to be able to ask me anything and discuss their fears and concerns with us, no matter how hard that might be.

And today, God whispered to me that healing isn't a circle at all. It's a spiral. If I keep my eyes on God (because He's big enough to handle my pain), each time I grieve, even if it's over the same things, I get a little closer to His heart. He whispers His truth to me, replacing the lies I've held onto. He counsels, comforts, and loves me. He never tires of listening, and he places all my tears in a bottle. Someday, His word promises, they'll be jewels in my heavenly crown.

Just now, He spoke to my heart that though my past may affect my present, it doesn't determine my future.

I'm counting on that.

Are You Cut Out to Work from Home?

As you may remember, I recently partnered up with Making Work at Home Work as a blogger.

Introducing The Work at Home Girls Let's face it: a lot of people want (and in some cases need) to set their own hours and work from home. Are you one of those people? What's stopping you? If you're serious about making money from home, you'll do what it takes - including investing in your own learning-either to get your company off to a strong start or to help you move to the next level more quickly. Work at Home Girls is designed to help you.

The Work at Home Girls is the brainchild of Jill Hart and Mary Byers, two successful work at home moms and authors. They've teamed up to offer help, ideas, challenges and mentorship from for women that work at home. Jill and Mary have over 20 years combined experience running a business from home. One is a techie (Jill, founder of Christian Work at Home Moms and author of So You Want to be a Work-at-Home Mom) and the other is a wordsmith (Mary, freelance editor and author of five books, including Making Work at Home Work).They've teamed up to share what they wish mentors had shared with them when they started their businesses over a decade ago. The Work at Home Girls share their Simple Secrets to make your business a SUCCESS -

Traits of Successful Work-at-Home Business Owners By Mary Byers and Jill Hart

While many people like the idea of working in their pajamas and having a minute-commute down the hallway, not everyone is cut out to work from home. Those who do so successfully have the following traits: Passion. It’s essential to love what you do and do what you love when working from home. Passion will keep you going even when the going gets tough, as it does in even the best of jobs. Self-Motivation. It’s important that you’re a self-starter, especially when you are your own boss. There’s no one to motivate you other than yourself when you are self-employed. Resourcefulness. Work -at-home CEOs aren’t just the head of the company, they ARE the company. That means being the janitor, the technology guru, the marketing manager, and the brains behind the operation. Often, this requires skills you don’t possess. But when you’re resourceful, you’ll be able to find the knowledge you need to keep your business moving forward. Confidence. It takes guts to run your own enterprise and confidence to manage it effectively. Though there will be times you experience self-doubt, overall you need to have the confidence that you can, and will, figure things out when you run into obstacles. Like this? Want more? Join the most recent teleseminars! * Making Your Business Work for You: How to Choose, Launch and Run a Winner (available soon as a download) * Realistic Expectations: What You Need to Know About Working from Home Successfully (available soon as a download) * Marketing Your Business Online (October 26) * The Business of Business: Rev Up Your Profit! (November 2) Work at Home Girls give you specifics, examples and personal business experience that you won't find anywhere else! Check them out today!

Works For Me: Raising Grateful Kids

 

Since Thanksgiving is coming up soon, I thought I'd share something my family does that works for us as we try to be more grateful for our blessings.

 

My husband and I try to limit the number of gifts we give our two boys (ages 5 and 11) for Christmas. We know that they'll also receive presents from grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends, and cousins, and we don't want them to become overwhelmed with too much "stuff." We also do at least one service project each holiday season, whether it's making and sending cards to inmates or serving food to the underprivileged. We want our sons to grow up knowing how blessed they are to have a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, and full tummies (it's a good reminder for us, too!).

And--this would make my mom so proud--they are REQUIRED to write thank you notes to people after birthdays or Christmas. I help them with addressing them, and/or delivering/sending them. But they must write/draw the actual note. My mom made me do this when I was growing up, and I still write thank-you notes to people--it's just something simple that goes a long way (IMHO).

What do you do to encourage gratitude in your family? 

Works for Me: Caring for our Neighbors

My husband and I want to teach our boys to care for their neighbors. If we have food left over from a meal, we wrap it up and have the boys take it to our neighbor, Mary, who recently lost her husband. They love doing a good deed, and she loves the conversation and food. We also encourage them to ask her how they can help--in her yard, with her groceries if she's getting home from the store, etc. Hopefully, we're creating an awareness of others while they're young, and showing them that little things can mean a lot.

It works for me! :) Here's a link where you can participate in "Works for Me Wednesdays," a blog carnival, and learn where you can read others' tips...
 

3 Tips for Getting Dinner on the Table--Fast!

I'm taking part today in a blogging contest...and I know that like me, you're probably rushed for time and still want to have dinner as a family, when possible (and save money, too). The Dyers began eating out a lot less when we moved to our current town, where there are few cheap, family-friendly restaurants. Result? We're healthier, have more quality time together, and have spent a lot less $$.

My three tips:

1. Have the family help. Carey is our main cook (thankfully--I can burn water!) but the kids and I are usually in the kitchen with him, unloading the dishwasher, reloading it, and being his "sous chefs." <g>  If you're a single parent, be sure and get the kids to help. It gives you extra hands, and they learn a lot.

2. Use simple recipes. If a meal has more than a few ingredients, we don't usually prepare it. Our favorite easy meal? Anything in a slow cooker. I recently found a recipe for salsa chicken that was so easy, I made it without Carey's help--and the family loved it! You just take chicken breasts, put them in the cooker, cover them with half a packet of chicken taco seasoning, and then add a can of reduced fat cream of mushroom soup mixed with a cup of salsa. Turn it on and cook it for several hours--and viola! it makes a delicious, creamy, healthy meal that tastes like comfort food. (My oldest said he wants it next time he's sick!)

3. Prepare as much as you can beforehand. Evenings are crazy, with soccer and scouts, homework and other responsibilities. So my hubby tries to pre-plan and prepare the meals as much as he can before the evening rush hits, either that morning or even the night before, while I'm cleaning up the kitchen. You could enlist the kids to help on this step, too--washing veggies (and even chopping them if they're old enough), setting the table, getting glasses out for drinks, defrosting meat.

So there it is. What are your best tips for quick meal prep? I'd love to hear them--we're always looking for great advice that will make our lives less hectic!

Falling into Grace

Wanted to share an article about Fall that I wrote a few years ago..for many reasons, Autumn is my favorite season. :)

Falling into Grace

The pursuit of perfection often impedes improvement. George F. Will

I love autumn, with its crisp leaves, brisk air and changing colors. However, as a recovering perfectionist, I’ve had many autumns in the past that fell short of my "ideal" fall. Here are my usual expectations, followed by a dose of reality:

1.  My husband will lovingly help me pick out just the right pumpkin for our son's kindergarten craft project.

Reality: Carey is so swamped with work that I run to Wal-Mart on October 30 and get a leftover shaped like a Hobbit.

2.  The Christian child I'm raising will help me shop for Thanksgiving baskets for needy families.

Reality: Five year-old Jordan stays in the toy aisle during the entire excursion, whining that he needs a "Home for the Holidays" G.I. Joe.

3.  I'll make pumpkin cookie platters for all the neighbors, with an evangelical tract attached.

Reality: Only when I see the neighbors packing to leave for the Thanksgiving holidays do I begin to bake, and then realize I need to borrow half the ingredients from those same neighbors.

4. The extended family will all be together, healthy and happy, for a quiet, reflective Thanksgiving.

Reality: Two siblings don't even show up, the "crazy uncle" shows everybody his newest surgical scar, and my giblet gravy looks more like—well, let's not even go there.

This year was no different. Since Carey had to work on Halloween, I took Jordan to our church's Fall Festival. It was a doozy—bounce houses, pony rides, Bible-themed carnival games, costume contests, and an inflatable obstacle course. I expected a fun-filled night, complete with many Kodak moments.

However, only an hour into our evening, Jordan came off the big slide in tears. My first thought was that someone had picked on him. My second thought was finding the little bully and—well, we were in the church parking lot, so I decided against physical violence.

"What's wrong, sweetie?" I asked.

He wouldn't tell me, but I soon figured out that he had torn his pants. And no amount of cajoling would get him back in the game.  So we went home and watched America's Funniest Home Videos. I was a little distraught at how our evening had turned out, especially when the doorbell rang. Since we hadn't planned on being home, I didn't have enough candy for trick-or-treaters.

"Mom, kids are at the door!" Jordan yelled at me, as I frantically looked for granola bars or fruit.

"I don't have enough candy," I lamented, as he kept pointing to the door.

"They can have mine," Jordan said, as he reached into his purple pumpkin, full of prizes from carnival games. With my mouth agape, I opened the door and watched him gleefully fill the trick-or-treaters' sacks.

The rest of the evening, my son had a ball passing out his hard-won candy to strangers with painted faces, and I marveled at the child who had reminded me: life may tear your expectations to pieces once in a while, but focusing on others helps you forget your troubles.

And being a perfectionist isn't near as much fun as it's made out to be.

:)

 

Jennifer Garner: A Sane Celebrity!

I like Jennifer Garner. I especially liked her in Thirteen Going on 30, and I won't hold it against her that she married my movie star crush, Ben Affleck <g>. She seems like she has her head on straight.

I enjoyed a recent Biography on A&E about Ben and Jen because it relayed how Jennifer paid her dues, one small role at a time. And now that she has kids, she seems to be raising them right. Just listen to what she had to say when asked her advice to working moms: "Don't be afraid to ask for help. You should try to get help wherever you can. Don't guilt yourself, it doesn't help. Do anything you can to try to save time with the dumb stuff around the house so you can be with your kids as much as you can. And put your BlackBerry down and just be with them."

Her mother was wise, too. Jennifer says her mom always told her, "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes in the morning." (That's straight from the Bible!)

Jen says that's what her mom would tell her after every breakup or anytime she did poorly on something. Jen told Yahoo that most of the little bites of advice she received as a child came from either Little House on the Prairie or Anne of Green Gables.

Two of my faves. I like Jennifer even more now! :)

Guest Post: Great Tax Tips from Mary Byers

I recently became a blogger for "Making Work at Home Work." Each month, I'll post a fabulous article to help my fellow Work-at-Home moms. This one is from the blog network creator, author/speaker Mary Byers. Enjoy!

"The number one rule for moms who work at home is this: Do not mingle your personal and business finances. Open a separate checking account for your business. And, if necessary, secure a separate credit card so that you can keep your personal and business-related expenses separate. Deposit all of your income in the checking account. Pay all of your expenses out of the checking account. When you do, at the end of the year you’ll have an accurate record of income and expenses.

   Check with your bank before your open your checking account. They may require proof that you’ve filed a “Doing Business As” form with your local or county government. Your banker may also be able to alert you to other regulations specific to your area.

   I personally believe it’s essential to stay on top of your business’ finances on a monthly basis. Though it’s not my favorite chore, I use a simple software program to track income and spending. I can compare this year’s figures to last year’s to find out how I’m doing comparatively as well as monitor my year-to-date performance. There are many easy-to- use software programs on the market (such as Quicken and Quick Books) that make it possible for business owners to track and access their financial data.

   In addition to inputting my financial data, I take time to organize my expense receipts each month. It takes less than a half hour to file them but doing so insure that my end-of-year tax preparation will run smoothly. Plus, I’ll have necessary proof if I’m ever audited.

   Once your recordkeeping is in order, you should take the time to learn what’s allowable as an expense deduction for you as a self-employed individual. The more you deduct, the less your profit. The less your profit, the less you pay in taxes. The less you pay in taxes, the more you keep for yourself.

According to the Internal Revenue Service, “To be deductible, a business expense must be both ordinary and necessary. An ordinary expense is one that is common and accepted in your field of business. A necessary expense is one that is appropriate and helpful for your business. An expense does not have to be indispensable to be considered necessary.”

The challenge in determining what’s deductible is that it differs based on your occupation. Day care providers can write off the cost of toys they buy for their charges and a computer game designer can deduct the cost of purchasing competing games for review and critique.

   If you’re interested in learning more about deductible expenses, consider picking up a copy of June’s Walker’s Self-Employed Tax Solutions. It’s an excellent resource, as is June’s website at www.junewalkeronline.com. Her blog is worth subscribing to if you’re interested in learning how to keep more of what you make.

   Of course, if you’re uncertain as to whether something is deductible, check with your personal tax advisor. And if you don’t have one, get one. I personally waited too long to do this and wish I would have done it sooner.

   Here’s how to make the most of your deductions:

Know what’s deductible. Take the time to learn what’s deductible. You may be surprised by what you can write off. For example, authors and playwrights may deduct the cost of the plays and movies they see if they are doing so to better learn the craft of plot, story and character. If you conduct business on the way to or from your family vacation, you may be able to write off a portion of your travel expenses.

If in doubt, ask. This is where a tax reference book or good accountant comes in. While it may be easier not to ask, doing so may well cost you money that would be better placed in your retirement account or a child’s college fund.

Realize that small deductions add up. My bank is 5.6 miles away. With the current IRS standard mileage deduction of 50.5 cents per mile, every trip to the bank for a business related transaction results in a deduction of $2.83 (50.5 cents x 5.6 miles). Last year alone my mileage deduction totaled $1,971. (I record each trip in a mileage log in order to provide documentation for the IRS.) Remember, deductions decrease taxable income, and lower taxable income means paying less tax.

Keep your receipts. Develop a simple record keeping system that’s easy to use. You’ll need to keep your records for seven years after the relevant tax return is filed. (Though the receipts only need to be kept temporarily, you should keep your tax returns forever.)

   If you need help developing a working system, get it. Though recordkeeping and taxes can be both tedious and boring, they represent an area in which solo-preneurs can make a huge difference in the bottom line. You owe it to yourself and your family to excel in this area. If you’re intimidated or uncertain in this regard, make a commitment to learn what you need to know--starting today."

Author, Speaker Mary Byer's created this program after the release of her book, Making Work at Home Work: Successfully growing a business and a family under one roof, to help other Work at Home Moms (WAHM) conquer some of the struggles that she herself has been through. Mary says, "I feel really privileged that I was able to write this book. I wrote it with Work at Home Moms in mind. There are so many unique challenges about working at home that only another work-at-homer can understand!" I would like to encourage you to explore their website for some great advice and some much-needed encouragement. If you would like to become a Making Work at Home Work blogger, go here.

Mary Byers is the author of Making Work at Home Work: Successfully Growing a Business and a Family Under One Roof. You can learn more about work at home successfully by subscribing to Mary’s free blog at www.makingworkathomework.com or go to www.theworkathomegirls.com.

Free Music Downloads (from Kenny Loggins' AWESOME new CD for Families)

Boy, have I got a treat for you! :) My family and I have been thoroughly enjoying a preview of Kenny Loggin's new CD for families, "All Join In." In fact, it has helped get us (at least the non-morning people in our house, who shall remain anonymous) "un-grumpy" a few times on the way to school. The music is joyful, well-produced, and contagious. (I'm not a big fan of the Ghandi/Bhudda song, but all the others are amazing!)

And now, I can offer you, my favorite people, four free song downloads. Yay! Here's the link and after listening, you just answer a couple quick questions about your thoughts on the music and then you'll get an email with a link to download 4 FREE digital songs (MP3s) from "All Join In".  

You can thank me later. :) Have a wonderful, joy-filled day!