Mother Inferior

The Day Dr. Phil Called

It happened like this:

"The producer explained that he’d found me through my blog while searching for guests for an episode on motherhood. He asked me to fill out a questionnaire I’d receive via email. 'If we think you’re a fit, we’ll talk to you about details like travel and accommodations,' he said.

After thanking him for contacting me, I hung up and jumped around the room. This was big-time. This was…amazing. Dr. Phil’s people contacted me. A mom-blogger from a small Texas town."

The results of the call were...well...you'll have to read more of the story here, over at one of my favorite haunts (The High Calling).

 

You Can Help Save a Child's Life

Fatao is a normal six year-old boy.

He loves to run. He likes to play soccer. He doesn't mind playing in the dirt.

And Fatao needs heart surgery.  

When he was one, Fatao's family discovered that he had a heart defect...but they had no resources to pay for treatement.

GETTING TO KNOW FATAO

Fatao's father struggles to provide for his family, and his mother sells fritters to help support them. Getting food on the table for their children is already an overwhelming task; there was no money for their son's medical needs.

In December 2010, Fatao was registered at the local church into Compassion International's Child Sponsorship Program. At his first medical check-up, the doctor recommended that Fatao see a cardiologist. 

The cardiologist confirmed that Fatao had ventricular septal defect - a hole in his heart.

For this surgery, Fatao needs to travel to India.The total cost of his surgery, including passport, visa, travel, the surgery itself and follow-up care, is $23,000.

YOUR ASSIGNMENT, SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT: HELP FATAO

If your heart is touched by Fatao's story, you can donate here. But even if you can't give, please spread the word about Fatao's heart surgery on your blog or website. Tweet about it, Facebook about it...make Fatao known. 

For more information on Fatao and his family, as well as his condition, please read this post over on the Compassion Blog. And continue to check the blog for updates on Fatao. 

Also, follow Compassion International on Twitter as they will also be posting updates there (be sure to look for the hashtag #Fatao). 

SEND YOUR LOVE

Sadly, Fatao's parents are not able to travel with him to India for this surgery.  This is a heartbreaking situation and CI wants to make sure that Fatao receives an overflow of encouragement through his journey to healing.  Therefore, when someone gives online they will have the opportunity to write a letter of encouragement to Fatao and this letter will be read to him before his surgery. 

(Tomorrow, CI is  even hosting an online letter-writing party. Don't you love it when God's people use technology for His purposes? I sure do!)

This is an incredible opportunity for the Church to come together and bless Fatao and his family, not only financially but also with encouragement and love. As Jesus says, what we do for the "least of these," we do for Him.

Won't you join the effort?

An Open Apology Letter (from a Working Mom)

Dear vacuum, broom, and dust pan: I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you. After working all day, you’re about as attractive as Newt Gingrich in a Speedo.

To my girlfriends: I do want to get together. I’m not just saying that. During the day, I’m distracted by disbursement authorizations. At night, I’m surrounded by fart jokes (the perils of living with boys). I could REALLY use a night on the town. But by the time I think about calling you, my eyelids are heavy. And Portlandia is on.

I’m just being honest.

To my pastor, you’re a brilliant man. Seriously. My dozing off in the middle of your Sunday sermon is not indicative that your delivery is lackluster or your content boring. I’m just. So. Tired.

 To yoga, walking, and other exercises I once performed regularly periodically: I will come back. I promise. For now, I’m taking the stairs, parking further from work, and doing “Just Dance 3” with my sons.

To my long-distance friends and family: I love you, I really do. But if you’re not on FB, I probably won’t be in contact. It’s not ideal, but then, neither is Facebook.

 And to my fellow working moms: I’m appalled that I ever questioned your commitment to our sons’ school. Why did I look down on you because you couldn’t make it to the Groundhog Day party? Never again.

I now know what I didn’t know before: that you’re doing the best you can, in the midst of a crazy-busy life. And you most likely want to be a driver on a field trip. But you also want to keep the job that help pay for the field trip...and lunches...and raffles...ad nauseum.

Finally, to my hobbies: I remember our time together with fondness. God knows, I spent plenty of money purchasing necessities like mini paper cutters, industrial-strength adhesive, and pacifier-shaped “punches” when my firstborn was a toddler. Since then, however, your appeal has faded.

The choice is clear, and I’m sorry to be so blunt, but I side with sleep, reading, and spending time with my family members.

And for that, I make no apologies.

The House of Hope (blog tour and giveaway)

A few weeks ago, I received a profoundly moving book from Litfuse Publicity Group called The House of Hope:  One couple abandons a comfortable life to rescue abandoned children. The story is full of "God-incidences," miracles, and immense joy--even in the face of severe suffering. I highly recommend it (just be sure and have a box of tissues handy as you read!). 

Robin and Joyce Hill lived in a gated community in Beijing, and their family’s life was marked by luxury and the security of Robin's job as an engineer. Then one day, as members of their church, they had a chance to tour a state-run orphanage. Haunted by the needs of the children they saw there, for the next four years they tried to help the institute in meaningful ways.

In 1998 the Hills planned to leave China, but instead felt a sudden call from God on their lives. They left their gated community, moved their family into a small apartment miles outside of Beijing, and immediately began to take in foster children. They took in any child, but especially those that needed extra care—terminally ill children that couldn't receive care elsewhere, and those that needed complicated and expensive surgeries. The Hills soon began to coordinate and sometimes pay for those surgeries out of their own savings!

 

As I read about the Hills' journey of faith, I was challenged and inspired. God used The House of Hope to remind me that His economy looks different from the world's. People we see as "hopeless" are as precious to Him as those who have good health, thriving families, and a bright future. 

 

And the book also reminded me that God will provide (often abundantly more than we can ask or imagine) for the work He calls us to do. What began as Hope Foster Home is now New Hope Foundation. As they continue their work, the Hills enjoy support from major corporations and high-profile philanthropists--as well as the trust of the Chinese authorities.

 

The Hills' story is a vivid, ongoing picture of God's heart for those whom society does not value. 

 

Learn more about Hope Foster Homes here.  And here's a holiday treat: the book's publisher is sponsoring a $50 "GET / GIVE" GIVEAWAY: One winner will receive a $50 Amazon.com gift certificate for themselves AND $50 will be given in the winner's name to Hope Foster Home. 

To enter all you have to do is send a tweet (using #HFH) about The House of Hope or share about it on Facebook! If you tweet, Litfuse will capture your entry when you use #HFH. If you share it on Facebook or your blog, just email Litfuse and let them know (ckrumm@litfusegroup.com). Easy-peasy.

 

Not sure what to tweet/post? Try these examples:

 

TWEET THIS:  Couple gives all to rescue babies in China! 100% proceeds go to #HopeFosterHome http://ow.ly/7qR3e RT 4 $50 to @amazon & $50 to #HFH

(must use hashtage #HFH to be entered)

 

FACEBOOK THIS: The House of Hope: One couple abandons a comfortable life to rescue abandoned children. Robin and Joyce Hill have helped over 1300 Chinese orphans with severe medical problems. Purchase a copy for everyone you know - the book is a gift that gives a gift! 100% proceeds to help support the work at Hope Foster Home! Learn more here. Share this for a chance to get a $50 Amazon.com GC and $50 in your name to Hope Foster Home! Click For Details.

~~~

                   

Read what a few others have to say in support of the Hills' work:

 

"I strongly support Robin and Joyce Hill's New Hope Foundation which is saving so many orphan lives in China. Read this amazing story of God's grace and accept the challenge to make a difference!"

--Steven Curtis Chapman

"I had the privilege of going to China and witnessing the work that God is doing through Robin and Joyce Hill. They are wonderful servants of God who lovingly care for the 'least of these.' I hope that many will read this book and consider their example."

--Francis Chan, author of Crazy Love

 

Finally, click here to buy the book. Remember--one hundred percent of book sales' proceeds will support the work of Hope Foster Home. What better Christmas gift could you give? 

What? Me, a Missionary?

Social media guru, blogger, father and husband Dan King has written a compelling, inspirational new e-book about his journey from pew-warmer to poverty fighter. I have the privilege of knowing Dan personally through our work at The High Calling, and I absolutely love his heart for the Lord, his family, and the "least of these."  So I asked him if he would give some background about his life and ministry, and he generously agreed. I think you'll love our conversation:

Why do you think we so often think we're unworthy to serve God if we're not on staff at a church or ministry?

I think we've become a personality-centered church. Maybe because it's because of how we understand things like five-fold ministry (Ephesians 4:11). So much of our focus is on the pastor up front being the spiritual leader and having everything we need. We've been taught (intentionally or inadvertently) that these are the people equipped to do the work of ministry. But when we really understand the rest of that passage of Scripture, we see that they are actually servants whose role is to equip the rest of us for the work of the ministry.

So what we have is people sitting around asking themselves, "I'm not a pastor, or a teacher, or a prophet, so what can I do?" The answer is, EVERYTHING! We in the church need to get to a place where we understand that 'the work of the ministry' is a job that belongs to all of us! 
 

Who are some of the people you admire for living out their faith in real, active ways?

Oh man... there are lots of them. But one of them is Tom Davis. He's the CEO of Children's Hopechest, and the guy who wrote the foreword for the book. That's actually why I asked him if he would write the foreword. At one point in his life he walked away from a nice, comfy youth pastor job to chase after the injustices that he saw happening in the world. Today he runs an organization that is dedicated to making a difference in the lives of the poor and the orphaned. They are making a real impact in the fight against things like human trafficking. There's also a man named Chris Marlow, the founder of H.E.L.P. (Help End Local Poverty). Here's a guy who also gave up everything after being rocked by a kid who asked him for something to eat. His life has been forever changed, and now he's leading the charge in rescuing children from the effects of extreme poverty. He's restoring hope by providing for immediate needs and renewing communities through long-term, sustainable growth. I've recently started partnering with Chris to help them build their social media platform and tell their story.

 

That's awesome, Dan. It seems every time I turn around you're doing something new. I love that! And now you have a new book, The Unlikely Missionary. What do you hope readers will take away from it?

I hope that readers are encouraged and empowered. I want people to know that if I can do it, then anyone can do it. One thing that has resonated with many readers so far is this idea that I'm just a regular dude who has a strong desire to be used by a really big God. I also want people to feel like they have permission to take the next step in following God. If I'd waited for my pastor to give me a personal invitation to do something, then I'd still be warming a pew. It's okay for people in the church to step up, say "this bothers me," and then start doing something about it. And it's easier to get involved than you would think. We just need to keep our eyes open and be willing to take that step.

 

How does your family feel about your writing and ministry, in addition to your regular job?

That's a great question. Doing the stuff that I've done over the years certainly takes a lot of time, and it requires a fine balance. But it's not just a "Dan thing," it's a King family thing that I'm doing. But the important thing for me personally is to never forget that my wife and kids are first in my life. Everything I do only happens with their permission, and then I also try to figure out how to keep them involved in the entire process. 

 

I think that's so important! Anything you'd like to tell moms who already feel overwhelmed by all they're doing, who still want to make a difference?

Try not to get overwhelmed by the big picture. I write about this feeling in the book. Sometimes when we see how widespread the problems with things like poverty really are, then it's easy to feel hopeless and simply give up. However, I firmly believe that winning these battles in the world today isn't about finding one person that can swoop in and fix it all--it's more effective if there are lots of us doing the little things we can to make a difference. 
 

Maybe it's making a cooler full of PB&J's and juice boxes for the homeless people who hang out near your favorite bookstore. Maybe it's sponsoring a child and faithfully writing letters so that you can be a real, ever-present part of their life. Maybe it's just posting links to news articles related to an injustice that you care about on your Facebook wall to help build awareness. The only thing that I believe matters is that we all step out and just do something... and let God take care of the rest of it.

The Unspoken Side of Human Trafficking: Guest Post by Bible Dude, Dan King

I asked Dan King, a fellow High Calling editor and a friend, to share his heart with you today. Dan is many things: Christ-follower. Husband. Father. Corporate training development guru. Bible college instructor. Social media editor for thehighcalling.org. Blogger at bibledude.net. Co-founder and media director for the activistfaith.org movement. Social media director for helpendlocalpoverty.com. (He must not sleep--at all!) I'm simply thrilled that he took time away from all his roles to write down some thoughts on human trafficking. It's a subject I've gotten closer to this past year in my job as an advocate for resettled refugees. Many, many refugees have been or will become victims of this heinous crime. And I believe that we CAN and MUST end the trade of human beings, in this lifetime--with God's help. Now, here's my good buddy, Dan...

As a blogger I've forced myself to stretch myself as a Christian, and explore the causes that I believe break God's heart. And over the years, I've been fortunate enough to connect with dozens of amazing individuals and organizations who are making a huge impact in areas like human trafficking. I just try to help tell the story about the work that they're doing. We've all heard the tragic stories about victims of human trafficking. Lured away from family with the promise of a better life--a way to break away from the extreme poverty that forces them to go to bed hungry every night. Sometimes they are even sold by their families so that the others can eat.

It's crazy how little value people put on human life. Some to turn a profit, others discarding it as a means of self-survival. But regardless of how they got there, the women (girls, really) who are the victims of this modern day slavery often spend the rest of their lives being used and discarded by men. Understandably, the focus of the fight against human trafficking has been on the rescue of these victims.

I applaud the efforts of organizations like Love146, Not For Sale, and Help End Local Poverty for the work that they do to save young girls (and boys) from being trafficked. And it's not just a problem overseas. It exists right here in our own backyards. Women are being forced against their will to do things most of us could never dream of.  It's slavery, and it has to stop.

But there's another side to this coin. As long as there's a demand for the services of these enslaved women, there will be people out there who seek to profit from it. It's Economics 101... the Law of Supply and Demand.

Too often do we overlook the demand-side of this issue. Dr. Ted Roberts reports that roughly 3 out of every 4 men in the church today has a problem with sexual addiction. For some it's "just" looking at porn, but for others it's escalated to finding other ways to fulfill their desires. I haven't done the actual math, but it would seem like for every victim of human trafficking there are likely hundreds of people who struggle with sexual addictions.

During a conference recently, Dr. Roberts explained the science behind sexual addiction while explaining why it's become such an epidemic problem. Apparently, pornography does the same thing, chemically speaking, to the male brain that crack cocaine does. So when men look at porn, there are physical changes happening inside them that cause the addiction to it to grow deeper, and harder to satisfy.

In a blogging project that I ran for the same conference, I read stories from victims of sexual abuse about the men who abused them. The stories always seem to start with a smaller addiction to pornography, but the problem is that the sexually addicted brain becomes harder and harder to satisfy. Over time, these men find other ways to satisfy the addiction.

And often, this is where victims of human sex trafficking end up on the supply-side of the system.

The truth is that we'll never be able to fix the supply-side of human trafficking as long as there's a demand for those services. We need to understand that those on the demand-side quite often are dealing with addictions that overwhelm their thoughts and actions. I'm not trying to say that they're not responsible for those actions, but I am saying that we can't overlook the disease that drives it.

Both sides of this problem need healing and restoration. They need compassion, support and encouragement. Not judgment, condemnation, and shame. The church should be a place where people on both sides can find the healing they need, while the rest of us serve as vehicles of God's mercy and grace in that process.

Post by Dan King. Photo by Stian Eikeland on Flickr.

5 Things Parents Do That Drive Teens Crazy (guest post by Hannah Dunn, 16)

Teens love their parents. They, deep down, want to get along and have a relationship that they can always count on. However, sometimes parents forget that teens can be easily annoyed in different ways. I know that my parents don't always realize that some of the things they do just drive me crazy. :) Here are five of the things parents do that can drive us insane:

1.       Ask too many questions

I, along with many teens, hate coming home to numerous questions. It is okay to ask how the day was, but often, parents just continue to ask questions. Eventually, teens will just start to answer with the normal “Uh huh” or other indifferent response. Instead of just asking question after question, as a parent, make sure you know if your child wants to talk then, or if the questions should just wait.

2.       Unnecessarily nag us

I hate to hear my parents start listing things I have to do. Teens do have an idea of what needs to be done. If asked once, they will get to it. However, I feel that the more my parents ask me to do something, the harder it becomes to find the motivation to do the chore. Instead, my parents started to type up a list and leave it on my desk. By just leaving it for me to read myself and do all the jobs that day, I have the freedom to do each chore at a time that works for me – without the nagging.

3.       Try to change our opinions

Teens are opinionated. We form our own ideas based on our family, school, friends, and even websites we use. Sometimes, these ideas just do not please our parents. Some ideas arrive with the change in generations. Because our parents existed in a time before technology like the internet and cell phones, they do not always feel the same way about something that may seem normal to a teenager. The dispute could be about anything – from texting and communication to other common topics. However, nothing our parents say is going to change our opinion. In the end, parents just have to realize that they will think one way, and we may think differently.

4.       “Downgrade” our efforts

Often, parents forget that teens have a different view on life, for they have not experienced as much. For example, we think that school is a lot of work that we aren’t getting paid for. We don’t always realize that it WILL help us later in life! So, the worse our parents can do is call school fun or easy. For teens, we feel like we are devoting all our time and effort into something “fun and easy,” and that will likely make us mad.

 5.       Forget that one day we will lead our own lives too

Sometimes, parents spend so much time trying to keep us safe and happy, that they forget that we want the opportunity to live our own lives. In events that will not have a disastrous or dangerous outcome, it is okay for parents to step back and let their teens make the decisions. This does not mean full freedom – it merely means giving teens a chance to feel that they are trusted to be in control of their own lives.

Hannah Dunn is a teen writer for Radical Parenting.com, a parenting website written from the kid's perspective--with 82 teen interns. Hannah is 16 years old from New Jersey. She loves to compete with color guard and marching band, and play piano. She hopes to become a writer one day, and to inspire others to follow their dreams. For more articles by teens, please check out RadicalParenting.com.

If Mom Ran the World...

This morning on the way to work and school, my three men played a game in the car. It was called, "What if Mommy ran the world?"

The laws they came up with: "There would be no work before 10 a.m"; "You would HAVE to lift the toilet seat"; and "No laughing at her monster-hair when she wakes up."

I concurred demurely with their initial thoughts. And, after careful consideration, if I were Queen (or President, or Dictator--as the case may be) for the Day, I'd add a few rules, too:

• No one shall leave the milk carton in the fridge when it only has one tiny swig of liquid in it, under penalty of scrubbing said appliance. 
• I shall require my coffee (fixed just like I like it, with a LOT of hazelnut creamer) in bed, and shall have time to enjoy it before tending to the needs of the day.
• Teachers, soccer coaches, and other people in authority over my child(ren) shall grant me grace whenever I forget a practice, paper, or performance. 
• Speaking of teachers, they shall receive the pay that pro football players currently receive...with raises for meritous and miraculous achievements. 
• CEO's, entertainers, politicians, and sports players' salaries will be capped at a reasonable level. And docked severely for bad behavior. Especiallly cheating on their wives.
• Charlie Sheen is banned from ever going near a microphone or stage again, unless he becomes an evangelist or philanthropist [stop laughing, it could happen!]. 
• Child actors/performers are only to work for one season of a television show, and they are not allowed to tour, endorse products, or otherwise be exploited. And they can't record albums, or write MEMOIRS until they're at least 30. Sheesh.
• Reality television--especially anything with the word "Jersey," "Kardashian," "Real," or "Housewives" in the title--shall be henceforth and forevermore banned. 
• Ditto for horror movies and anything with over a PG-13 rating (except for a few notable exceptions).
• Each of my subjects will volunteer at a charity for an hour a week. Minimum.
• Solitude and silence will be celebrated and sought after, at least for thirty minutes a day.
• People must unplug for a majority of their day, and have actual conversations with each other. Being plugged in is fine--just in small doses.
• Everyone in my kingdom is required to read to a child for 15 minutes a day--preferably while cuddling with them.
• Ditziness shall be seen as a sign of intelligence, and shall never, ever be laughed at. Unless I'm laughing, too. Penalties for breaking this law shall include dusting, vacuuming, folding laundry, and cleaning the toilet.
• Speaking of chores, only rude and thoughtless people (esp. fast food workers who act like I'm annoying them by ordering) shall do them. I am exempt, for obvious reasons.
• Plump thighs and bellies shall be a sign of fertility and beauty, as in the days of Ruben. 
• Which reminds me--Rueben sandwiches will become the official Queen's sandwich. Except when I want a Patty Melt, or a French Dip. Can someone bring me a sandwich now, please?
• ALL body types (and skin colors!) will be celebrated and appreciated.
• Magazines and newspapers will from now on report on the good things that happen, as well as tragedies. Real-life heroes will be featured, instead of celebrities.  And tabloid photographers will be required to chase after each other, just to see what it feels like.

That was fun...now it's your turn! What would YOUR rules be, if you ran the world? I look forward to your answers! 

Shining the Light of Compassion

When he was four, our youngest son, Jackson, was snuggling beside me on our bed. After telling him a story, I got up to turn off the light. Flipping the switch, I crawled back in beside him.

Without warning, Jax started crying. "Mommy!" he yelled. "Where are you? I can't see you! Turn on the light!"

Read the rest at The High Calling, where I'm honored to have a featured piece--about serving God, and loving others, as a family.

Where are you, God?

The last few weeks have been quite a ride, haven't they?

Earthquakes.

Tornados.

Governments attacking their own citizens.

Floods, famine, war...

The Bible told us we'd go through this, but it doesn't make it any less difficult to digest. My heart groans when I see all the suffering. I want to turn away, turn off the news, tune out the cries of dying people. 

It's all too much. I mean, what can I do about any of it--except pray? 

Last week, a co-worker came into my cubicle, her face cloudy. Beside her stood a munchkin who'd recently arrived from another city. The child's black pageboy framed a heart-shaped face with dark eyes.

"Hi, sweetie," I said, even though I knew she couldn't understand a word of English.

 My co-worker told me about the girl's family, and the story wasn't fun to hear. Her mother and father had come on their own to our city, so they weren't connected to an agency and lacked access to any kind of assistance. (Thankfully, they were in the office so we could assign a case worker tothem). They'd survived unthinkable crimes and a journey across the planet--but now, they were just eaking out an existence.

As the child's father met with his new case worker, I gave my new friend a children's book. She came towards me a tiny bit as she saw the colorful illustrations. I smiled and showed her how to open the pop-up flaps. "See? There are hidden pictures."

"You can have it," I said, longing to take her in my lap--or at least stroke her hair. Clutching the gift, she ran off. I followed. As I did, I noticed her clothes were dirty and her shoes were at least two sizes too big. They barely stayed on her small brown feet. 

Suddenly, a big wave of sorrow crashed over me. The truth about the things she and her family had experienced threatened to drown me. Angry, I sucked in my breath.

Where are you, God? I thought.

Where.

Are.

You?

And then, as audibly as if He'd spoken it out loud to me, I heard: "I'm in You."

The truth of it gave me my breath back.

Yes, I thought. Yes. 

I nodded, sighed...and caught up to my new friend. Gently, I took  her hand. 

She smiled up at me, and didn't let go.