When my 10 year-old was eight, during a sleepover with a friend I heard the boys talking about the cliques at school. (Keep in mind, this was in third grade.) They mentioned the cool kids, who played football, and the nerds, who were "so smart they're annoying," and then I asked, "So which group are you in?" My son said, "We're not cool, and we don't care!" I could NOT have been more proud. I'm raising a geek! The funniest part: when I told them that geeks and nerds will become the bosses of the cool kids one day (and yes, I mentioned Mr. Bill Gates), their eyes lit up and they said, “PAYBACK!” :)
Do you think I'm weird for being proud of raising a geek? Well, what if I told you that GEEK was the new cool? :) For proof, look no further than Marybeth Hicks, a writer I met a few years ago in an online humor group. She has a new book with Penguin/Berkley, called Raising Geeks: How to Protect Your Kids' Childhood in a Grow-Up Too Fast World. Today, I'm featuring the first part of a two-part interview with her. I did get an advance copy of her book, and I LOVED it. :) Read on, and I think you'll agree that she has a unique viewpoint, a refreshing voice, and a much-needed message.
Q: Marybeth, welcome! What exactly do you mean by GEEKS? GEEKs by my definition are Genuine, Enthusiastic, Empowered Kids. Genuine kids are authentically themselves--they don’t give up the things they love just to be accepted by the cool crowd. Enthusiastic kids don’t roll their eyes at you over every suggestion or family activity--they’re up for dinner with grandma, trips to the museum or a bike ride with mom after dinner. They enjoy whatever life offers. Empowered kids are nurtured on all levels-- intellectually, socially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. They have power over their lives because they develop the whole person. And Kids are kids! They enjoy innocent, wholesome childhoods rather than rush into a state of cynical, materialistic pseudo-adulthood. Geeks are a little uncool by the culture’s standards, but they’re happy.
Q: What made you decide to write your book? I decided to write the book because I realized that lots of us are making tough decisions in parenting that are having an impact on our kids’ social status, and folks need encouragement and ideas to continue living this “geeky” lifestyle. It’s a little counterculture, and that makes it difficult sometimes. Parents want to feel they’re not alone.
Q: What is the connection between the role of parents in today’s society and state of our current culture? I happen to believe that today’s parents have a huge opportunity to improve our culture simply by improving the quality of parenting. By working harder to instill our values in our kids rather than allow the media and the popular culture to dictate core beliefs and behaviors, we have the chance to strengthen our society in some pretty specific ways.
Q: What happens to kids when parents permit uncensored access to media?When I talk to parent groups across the country, a big message I try to convey is that all media is educational...all TV, all music lyrics, all internet sites, all movies--are sending messages about values and behavior to our children. When kids have unfettered access to media, they are free to absorb some really disturbing and harmful messages.The media teaches that materialism and instant gratification are the ways to happiness, and these values permeate throughout all the material our kids absorb. If we don’t censor what our kids see and hear, they can rightly presume that we support the values they’re learning through the media.
Q: What can parents do to take a stronger stand to protect their kids from a culture that exploits children’s innocence and promotes self-centeredness and materialism? I think too many parents are just going along with whatever “everyone else” is doing. If everyone in the 7th grade gets a cell phone and a personal lap top and a Myspace page, their kids do too, even if they personally think it’s not entirely appropriate. Once, I mentioned our house rules about the computer to a group of parents at a basketball game. One dad said, “I wish we had rules about the computer like you do.” I thought, “Dude, you’re the dad. Make the rules.” The only way to take a stronger stand and protect our kids from exploitation, self-centeredness and materialism is to decide that we are the ones who know what is best for our children, and to have the courage to be different from the norm. My husband and I don’t do what “everyone else” does, we do what we think is best for our kids.
Q: Why do so many parents stand back and feel intimidated by the “culture of cool”? It’s really important to some adults that their kids be considered cool and popular. Some parents were cool themselves and they want their kids to be like them; some were not cool and popular as kids and they think their kids will have an easier time than they did if they’re more socially prominent. Also, since the culture of cool seems to dictate so many desires and choices, it’s hard to carve our own paths. But carve we must if our kids are going to develop a sense of self that honors their unique personalities and their hearts desires! When you look around, the people who are unafraid to be UNcool often seem to be the most content – this is because they are free to be themselves
Q: What are some real things that parents can do if they want their kids to grow up with solid values and enjoy a wholesome childhood?
Unplug! Kids who are readers and who enjoy nature and the natural world have really fun, wholesome lives. Also, decide that it’s great to have friends and to be social, but it’s equally great to spend time at home with the family. Kids who are “homebodies” feel safe and secure and also enjoy a strong sense of “pack” acceptance. This makes them more confident to be themselves in the larger world.
Q: Why do you say it takes courageous parents and brave kids to make it in today’s culture war? Well, I say it takes courage because I have been the lone mom saying, “No, you may not see ‘Matrix: Reloaded.’ You are 12.” I’m not even kidding when I tell you I was among the only parents decreeing that this “R” rated movie was not appropriate for kids. It always takes courage to stand alone (or at least to feel you’re alone), making tough choices that your own kids may resist or even resent. And kids need to be brave because they will be different from their peers--but around our house, we like to use the word “uncommon!”
Q: Is it possible to actually enjoy your child's teen years? Absolutely! I think it’s sad that parents are warned to expect their young teens to morph into a rude, repugnant monster for the duration of adolescence. That’s just a silly myth! Teens are perfectly capable of behaving pleasantly and of maintaining a positive relationship with their parents. To do this, we have to make our expectations clear: “You can disagree with me and you may not like some of my decisions, but you can’t speak rudely to me or slam doors or yell that you hate me. That’s not acceptable behavior in our family.” We have to let our teens know that we’re willing to listen to them when they disagree with our decisions (not that we’ll necessarily change our minds) and that we’ll treat them with the respect we want to experience in return. Parents are the ones who set the expectations and our kids generally meet us where we expect to find them. So if you expect a rude teenager, you’ll probably get one. If you expect one who is polite and respectful, you’ll probably get that, too.
